Wave the White Flag! – Women’s Day Special

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I woke up to a bunch of status messages from men and women alike about today being International Women’s day. I’ve never been a fan of these father’s day, mother’s day or women’s day because they are not what I really care about “holidays”. I hear from a couple of friends in countries outside India that there’s not much of a hue and cry about this Women’s day in those countries. Maybe it is a big thing only in countries where women are raped and molested with an absolute indiscretion regarding their age, marital status, looks or what they wear.

Coming to the crux of this post, well this is about all the things that are good about women. Now I know that some women reading this might think, “What do you mean all the things that are good about us? We are completely, fully good, we are the best that could happen to a man and this world”. My wife is probably thinking “So do you mean, that there are some bad things about me? Ok, tell me about them, I am all ears”

I am not going to talk about boring stuff like motherhood and being responsible for a man’s success. Let me for a change compare them to some arms and ammunitions that we know

1. Pistol

A pistol fires one shot at a time, makes less noise, effective in short range.

For instance, you forgot to wish your wife on the day you got engaged after 3 years of marriage, it is called an engagement anniversary, if you’ve not heard about it before. When you try and get into a conversation with her, she will fire muffled “one word” answers (bullets) at you. Being the smart creatures they are, they will first fire at your legs, then thighs, followed by hand, then shoulders and torture the hell out of you, before finally driving a couple of them through your brain which will make you realize what you actually forgot.

2. Machine Gun

Machine guns have extreme firepower, used to scare the hell out of the enemy, rather than accuracy.

You forgot to notice the nail polish on her fingers or the new lip gloss that you bought her on her lips . May be you noticed and didn’t appreciate it. That’s when they are like a machine gun firing at you indiscriminately (of course with words). They will start with “you don’t love me anymore” to reminding you about the pains they have taken to look good and how you have appreciated how she looked a few years ago, before finally telling you after 30 minutes that the reason for the rant was because you did not appreciate what you should have.

3. Guided Missiles

These are missiles, which when locked on to a moving target, follow it, and destroy it.

When your girlfriend or wife asks “Am I fat?” or “Do I look old? never ever even remotely suggest that “She is”. Once you do that, she will initially assault you with a pistol, and later forgive you for the heinous crime. But from time to time she’ll ensure that you do not harbour the thought of repeating it. For the rest of your life, she will fire a guided missile at you whenever you compliment her by saying “But what’s the use I am fat, I am old”. You’ll feel like a target that was chased by a guided missile, but escaped, only to have nightmares of how horrific the chase was every night.

4. Weapons of Mass Destruction

When you drop a nuclear or atomic bomb, the bomb destorys and the radiation after that kills as well.

When a women cries it is the same thing, you get destroyed for whatever problem that you created because of which she is crying. You also get killed by radiation of those tears forever after that, for making her cry on that day. WMD can make you so dazed that you’ll probably never figure out why you were attacked and what would prevent the next attack.

5. Hand Grenades

Pull the pin and drop the grenade, it might seem that there is a chance to escape between the time the pin is pulled and it explodes, but actually there is no time to.

If your girlfriend or wife tells you “Do it if you want to?”, it means she has chosen to be a hand grenade. If you go ahead thinking that it is a permission to do your stuff, the pin is pulled out and the bomb is about to explode.

Next time you see your girlfriend or wife or any women, remember these weapons that they can transform into and treat them well. Also remember that you were born only with a white flag to wave when they attack you. Don’t show off your stupid karate skills and get a black eye or a broken nose.

For all those men who say “Many a times she attacks me even if she’s wrong”. I say “Grow up”. “You still have to wave the white flag” because women are always right!

Disclaimer: I did not transform into a women while writing this post, any resemblance to living or dead women is purely incidental and not intentional.

P.S: The machine gun fire can sometimes last for more than 30 minutes, be patient and wave the white flag.

P.P.S: White Flag = A Hug & Kiss and a lot of attention!