5 Tips to “Make it Large” at Work

All you drunken monks out there, this is not a post on how to discreetly help yourself with 2 rounds of whiskey in your office cubicle, neither is it about downing a couple with your boss to get inside scoop on the impending salary hike or appraisal. These are a collection of five fabulous tips to help you grow in the organization that you work for.

1. Sit Close to the Bar tender

When going to a pub, it is always better to sit near the bar counter, close to the bar tender, even if it means sitting on those highly uncomfortable and tall bar stools. That way you get to have your next drink as soon as you are done with the previous one.

Think of your office too as a bar, and your boss or super boss as your bar tender. Make sure you sit close to their cabin/cubicle. Even though it is uncomfortable to network socially from that seat, it will ensure that your career gets the necessary lift. You are in the eye of the management, you know. In meetings too, don’t gang up with friends towards the end of the conference room, get the best seat in the house and watch so intently (with or without earplugs, doesn’t actually matter) that your boss is scared not to make a slip up.

2. Loosen up and talk

What do you do after you mark your place close to the bar tender? Well, just enjoy a couple of drinks, and then loosen up and talk. A friendly chat with a bar tender can give you some terrific insights. Just make sure you don’t lose your inhibitions so much that you wouldn’t mind going up to a George Michael to propose or talk to your bottle of old monk.

In office too, have a friendly chat with your boss every now and then. Get into this mood of talking in team meetings or any meeting, get noticed without sounding stupid. If you have nothing to add to what’s being said, just repeat what your boss said and ask if you have understood it right. Your talking in office works similar to talking after drinking, it stays in everyone’s memory, except yours.

3. Groove to the music

If the bar plays music, groove to it. You needn’t lose yourself, take your shirt off and wave. Just a little rythmic shaking of the head (up down up down..) will do. It doesn’t matter whether you understand the song, whether it’s your favorite or downright crap. Just groove. You can groove to anything the DJ plays and occasionally request him to play some of your favorite tracks.

When your boss talks to you in office, you just groove. Although he may not make any sense, it is none of your concern. You just gotta groove to what he says. Pretend to say yes to him when he talks to you. If it has been a long time since both of you conversed, you shouldn’t shy away from going up to him just like going up to a DJ to get him to play your favorite track.

4. Throw up

There’s no fun in drinking, if you don’t throw up occasionally. Throwing up etches you in memory of people around you. They’ll never forget your antics for life. Remember, there’s nothing called a bad PR. Just don’t do it often and ensure that you don’t do it after a half bottle of beer, it will be counterproductive. If you analyze why someone throws up, it is always because he had that extra drink.

You may be the most efficient in your office, completing all your tasks without any problems and on time, but the problem is that the bosses actually never hear about you. On the other hand, miss a deadline, mess up some code, forget something vital, suddenly everyone knows about you. You become the subject of a board room discussion. Like throwing up in a bar, screw up on something that seems complicated to others, or screw up when you have multiple things to handle. When you screw up the only task given to you, you will forever be known as someone who puked after a half bottle of beer. It also pays to go that extra mile and choose projects/work that’s been severely messed up, as there’s no way you can make it worse, it will only get better (more often than not, automatically), and you get the rewards for it.

5. Pose for the Picture

Even if you are the kind of guy who just eats the free peanuts and other munchies at the bar, always remember that you went to the bar, and what you did in there doesn’t matter. Don’t let go of the opportunity to pose with the bottles that your friends managed to finish. You can do this while they are on one of their visits to the loo. However, if you would like to give them some credit, then you can sit in the middle flanked by your friends on sides (preferably in low lighting) and take a glorious picture. .

Do I need to explain how this works in the office? If you are not smart enough to figure it out, you should quit :).

Related articles

• Climb the Corporate Ladder AND Keep Your Soul (philammann.com)